REALITY IS ALWAYS STRANGER THAN FICTION!

This is an actual letter from an Austin , > > Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one > > of their feminine products. She really gets rolling > > after the first paragraph. > > > > This was PC Magazine’s 2007 Editors’ Choice > > award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail. > > > > Dear Mr. Thatcher, > > > > I have been a loyal user of your ‘A lways’ maxi > > pads for > > over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, > > without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d > > probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and > > I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the > > beach in tight, white shorts. > > > > But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary > > Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough > > to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. > > I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month > > knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants. > > > > Have you ever had a menstrual period, > > Mr. Thatcher? I’m > > guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is > > starting right now. > > As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently > > surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my > > body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my > > husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife > > skills.’ > > > > Isn’t the human body amazing? > > > > As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, > > you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what > > exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits > > from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the > > bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our > > intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control > > behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most > > women. > > > > The point is, sir, you of all people must realize th > > at America > > is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri > > pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last > > month, while in > > the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach > > inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always > > maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were > > these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’ > > > > Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part > > of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – > > actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a > > menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the > > least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? > > > > > > FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, > > there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in > > which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and > > lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down > > to > > the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a > > sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. > > > > For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have > > to > > slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make > > more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, > > like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular > > Manslaughter is Wrong’. > > > > Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, > > effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly > > profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business > > elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, > > I will not for one minute miss your brand of > > condescending bullsh!t. And that’s a promise I > > will keep. > > > > Always….. > > > > Wendi Aarons > > Austin , TX > > > > >

Had to share…and speaking of sharing, check us out if you haven’t yet:

www.2cobjewelry.com and www.2cobkitchen.com

I’ m working on a website to incoporate all our site…will let u know when I get there.  That’s why I haven’t been posting lately. But my cousin Cathy sent me this one and I just HAD to share.  Too Funny.  SOooooooooooo True.  Beaha.  She’s fine…just chasing after her 5 foster children, ages 2-11, who she will soon be adopting through a foster-to adopt program.  Bless beaha…always.  I love being an Auntie to beaha’s new family!

Best to all.

-beeha

More Funnies: Adults Only

Once again from my friend Jim…dirty ole’ man!  That’s why I love him!

Happy Thanksgiving, all.  Don’t mean to offend anyone, but you HAVE come to 2COB – the 2cRaZyOldbiTCHes site!

-beeha

The Lego Church

What can I say…Just sharing.  Thanks to my dear friend Jim, who sent this to me…if you’d like some facts about this read further down, but first the Jay Leno quote that came with Jim’s missive:

“With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides,
flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from
one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist
attacks, ‘Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the
Pledge of Allegiance?’”  Jay Leno

LEGO CHURCH FACTS:

How long to build it?    It was about a year and a half of planning,
building and photographing.  How many pieces of LEGO to build it?  More than 75,000. How big is it?  About 7 feet by 5 1/2 feet by 30 inches
(2.2 m x 1.7 m x .76 m ).  How many LEGO people does it seat?   1,372. How many windows?  3,976.

-beeha

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch-Moan & Groan-Thanks

You’re in a hurry and that’s the only reason you’ve made the phone call to begin with.

You just want the answer NOW. You know you can get the answer through just a wee bit of trial and error, but you have to run out now and you plan on doing this LABORIOUS task later, and you just w…a…n…t (yes, say in a whiny way) to be ready when you get back so you can get to work on something you REALLY know you WON’T like doing, but that MUST BE DONE.

So you make the call to: TECHNICAL SUPPORT. No names, no put-downs here – it could be for a refrigerator, a dishwasher, a pc, a laptop, an ISP, a whois change – WHATEVER. And the guy knows LESS than you.  That’s not a brag; IT’S A DISAPPOINTMENT!!!!!

yOU called because you HATE – or severely dislike (Yes, Mother, I remember – NEVER say hate) – the rote task you will have to do – OVER AND OVER – in order to accomplish what you must…and you’re on the phone with someone who is having trouble understanding you, LOOKING things up in a book (more training, please before you get on the phones by yourself – I have done  such work, so I feel authorized to say so) … And he keeps repeating as he’s looking up, and he’s honest, poor soul, and doesn’t hide that he’s looking up….as he goes along…trying, really trying to help.

AND………SO………you go through all the testing while you’re on the phone with him – figure it out – and now know WHAT MUST BE DONE – even MORE steps than you imagined (and they call this the super highway!??? – I’d say there are PLENTY OF YIELDS and blinking yellows around this cyberspace).

Anyway…guess it was just meant to be…and guess the bright side is, I had company while figuring it all out, which I couldn’t seem to find the patience for on my own….so

Thank you, Mr. Customer Service Man.  I have yet to do the LABORIOUS work that awaits me…but I now I know how!

-beeha

New! 2COB’s Jewelry Site – Come visit!

You’ll see a new page up top for www.2cobjewelry.com, but I had to put in this quick post to make sure no one missed it.  Please read  the 2COB Jewelry page – and then visit, read and browse www.2cobjewelry.com.

Beaha deserves it. She is such a talent.  I have LOT’s more pics to take, more galleries to produce, but I can’t say enough about her hand-made, hand-crafted gorgioso jewelry and its beauty.

Take a visit to www.2cobjewelry.com and click on the pics and read the descriptions…it’s all so loverly.  Thanks, beaha.  I love you.

-beeha

2COB Recommends VistaPrint, Really!

Okay, I ordered business cards, flyers and 10 promo calendars for our www.2cobkitchen.com business.  Not only did I make 3 mistakes BEFORE shipping, which they kindly corrected, I discovered – NO, it was beaha who discoverd the 4th mistake, and boy was it a BIG one!  AND!  The cards had already shipped.

So, I called VistaPrint – something so UNUSUAL these days – spoke to not only a live person, but a real, down-to-earth, friendly, helpful person. What did he do?

He made sure with me online that I had the exact copy that I needed with the corrections made and then placed the corrected order.  THEN – without my asking – he gave me a credit for the amount of the order that had ALREADY shipped-and which I could not use because of my mistakes. 

Yes, the credit is for future Vista Print orders, but I plan on making  several…like for www.2cobjewelry.com …which, by the way, if you haven’t visited, you must.  It’s just getting started, but beaha’s jewelry is breathtaking 

Anyway had to share all that. Vista threw in the link and copy below…that’s okay.  They’re worth it!

Save 25-50% off on custom printed products at VistaPrint. Order today!

-beeha

How to Fail a Test with Dignity

 How to fail a test with dignity:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 -beeha … thanks to Cuz Anita

The Small Brown Mouse’s House

Up in the attic lives a small brown mouse

sometimes lurking sometimes loud

for crumbs others have left around, laughing out loud

-snicker

when there’s many to be found!

He climbs up the tree, scraping bark for insects below…

and he often sits and watches

listening

to the ebb and flow

of the house that surrounds him

and the people pounding like giants with their pets in tow

He smells when Sugar’s being fed and when breakfast is eggs,

he likes it when cereal is served and bread is cut,

cuz he knows it will soon be time for laughter.

-beeha

New Pages! New Columns! 2COB Visit!

• Poetry of the Day
• 2COB Kitchen
• 2COB Apron Gallery
• Quotes of the Times
• Quote of The Day-Top Left Column

-2COB EdiToRs at http://2cob.wordpress.com

What can I say?

“It’s just a job, grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand, I beat people up.” – Muhammad Ali

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“If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.” ~Mark Twain

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